am i an alien?

sarah just sent me this, with a stern face:
YOUR FRIEND OR CO-WORKER COULD BE A SPACE ALIEN, SAY EXPERTS … here’s how you can tell (by Michael Cassels of the “National Inquirer”)
Many Americans live and work side by side with space aliens who look human -but you can spot these visitors byy looking for certain tip-offs, say experts.
They listed 10 signs to watch for:
1. Odd or mismatched clothes. “Often space aliens don’t fully understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers,” noted Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator and author.
[OR, SAY, CLOTHES THAT DO NOT FIT PROPERLY AND ARE NOT MATCHED BY COLOR AND MAYBE THE PANTS ARE TOO SHORT OR DO NOT BUTTON]
2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might eat French fires with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills, the experts say.
[YEAST. ALL OATMEAL ALL THE TIME.]
3. Bizarre sense of humor. Space aliens who don’t understand earthly humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.
[YOU MAKE MANY JOKES I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.]
4. Takes frequent sick days. A space alien might need extra time off to “rejuvenate its energy,” said Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical biologist and futurist.
[OR PERHAPS CANNOT WAKE UP EARLY AND MUST LIE ABOUT IN BED FOR HOURS BEFORE GETTING UP FOR WORK]
5. Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. “Aliens are constantly gathering information.” said Steiger.
[ONE WORD: BLOG]
6. Misuses everyday items. “A space alien may use correction fluid to paint its nails,” said Steiger.
[GREGOR + HARDWARE = BAD SCENE]
7. Constant questioning about customs of co-workers. Space aliens who are trying to learn about earth culture might ask questions that seem stupid, Easton said.
“For example, a co-worker may ask why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July,” noted Steiger.
[WHY ARE AMERICANS SO FAT? WHY IS THE U.S. GOVERNMENT SO STUPID? WHY DOES EVERYTHING CLOSE SO EARLY?]
8. Secretive about personal life-style and home. “An alien won’t discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends,” said Steiger.
[ONE WORD REVISITED: BLOG]
9. Frequently talks to himself. “An alien may not be used to speaking as we do,so an alien may practice speaking,” Steiger noted.
[PRETENDS TO BE SPEAKING A “SECOND LANGUAGE” SO SLIP UPS CAN BE EASILY EXPLAINED AWAY]
10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain high-tech hardware. “An alien may experience a mood change when a microwave oven is turned on,” said Steiger. The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.
[EXPOSURE TO SHINY SOFTWARE INCREASES YOUR PULSE QUITE DRAMATICALLY]
I am going to sell my story to the newspaper and then harvest your organs for our scientists to study.

5 thoughts on “am i an alien?”

  1. i have been in ur world for sometime now,
    u have a thing called bagels??? why cut a hole out u are wasting it. u pee from ur eyeballs??? and drink way too much vodka.
    (:+__^^_^_^””” mum)
    u actually eat gammon and disguise it as ham???
    wee worship the Hog from where im from.
    have too go now the F.B.I are standing behind me
    PS: i always eat Mc Donalds with chopsticks with my head in the microwave oven

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